Friday, July 6, 2012

How Do You Say Goodbye...

Two weeks.  That's all we had. 
How do you squeeze in years of missed hugs, giggles and long talks into just two weeks? 
I found myself breathing in a little deeper, as if that would cement the smells right into my nose.

Many times my eyes would close, letting the sweet tinkling of the chimes find there way directly to my heart.

Desperately, I tried to impress the sweet faces I saw in the dearest parts of my memory.
 How thankful I am for the time we had!
How grateful for the memories made.

But as we pulled out of the driveway I could not stop the downpour of tears.
I felt as if I had swallowed a handful of pills and they lodged themselves into my throat.

And I thought,
How do you say goodbye
When you are wondering, "Will I ever see you again?"

How do you let go,
Knowing this may be your last hug?

How do you answer
"When will we see you again?"
Not knowing when, or if, we will be back?
 I have never fully understood the verse,
"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother... yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:26

I could not do that!  How could I say that I hate my own father and mother?!
But when I looked at it through the world's eyes I thought,
How hateful was it to tell you that we were expecting your first grandbaby, but it would be years before you would meet her?
And how hateful is it to separate you from holding and loving your grandbabies!

And though my heart aches for the pain you must feel at the separation,
I cannot turn back,
 Nor do I live with regrets.
It is not about my comfort or pleasure.
It is about Him and His eternal purposes.
Is HE not worthy of my all,
even if I am separated from all I know and love,
and even if I never see the fruit from seeds we have given our lives to sow?
Yea, and much more.
I cannot turn back.
I have set my hand to the plow.
I have counted the cost.
HE is sufficient.

"For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?  Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him,  Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish.  So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple."
Luke 14:28-30, 33


  1. Beautiful photos! This post brought tears to my eyes. We've been on the field for almost 7 months. Homesickness is so hard! I have plans to go home in October for a two week visit, I'm already dreading the good-byes.

  2. So precious. I sure miss my family too.

  3. So thankful you had such a wonderful time with family, but hurting, and yes, crying with you as you separate!
    Love and prayers from Mexico,

  4. Wow. I want you to know that this post is being used by God.

  5. Your post made me cry...I understand how you feel..."...but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God." 1 Samuel 30:6b

  6. Furloughs are difficult. Take great comfort that anything done for the Lord is not wasted, either for your parents or your children. Those memories can be great blessings too.

  7. I will need to come back to this post when we return from our first furlough.

  8. Hey Jessica, your dad sure looks young!

  9. I am a missions pastor teaching 18 future missionaries tonight about the concept of saying goodbye well. Your photo montage and words will be an important part of talking to this group tonight. Thanks for sharing vividly and personally. You will help dozens more as we walk through this with those that go!

  10. Shared this and yes, I cried too!

  11. Oh how closely I understand this moment, your words stick in my throat & my heart meets yours on such a deep level... <3 to you from a 'sister' you have never met, living 10,000 miles from her first 'family'... -Joy



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