Sunday, November 23, 2014

Heart Transplant

A few months ago Eric came to me and said he was feeling like God may not be wanting us to go back to Ukraine and would I mind if he started praying, asking God where He wanted us to go.  Of course I agreed and even agreed to pray together at night with him.  But after he was asleep, sometimes even before that, I would silently weep - trying my best not to let him hear me, begging God to bring me back to my home.  Not just my house, I told God that even Western Ukraine was okay.  I felt as if my heart was being cut out.

As time went on, I had a very hard time being in that "waiting on the Lord" period.  I was reading through Genesis at that time about Noah and oh!  How I felt like I could relate!!!  I was just waiting for that ark to rest somewhere and the doors to open!  When Eric came to me about Victory, I could feel that it seemed like God was calling us there.  It seemed as if our ark came to a rest and I was ready to get out.  At each step, I felt for Noah's wife, especially as the last dove did not return and they removed the covering to see dry land.  How exciting!  Then to have to wait ANOTHER two months for God to open the doors!  But God knew things weren't ready yet.  How I could feel that desire to jump from the window!!!

I truly feel as if I've had a heart transplant.  That is my home ~my life, completely different from this one in America and unless you've been there, it's probably not understandable.  I love those people and have felt like they are MY people.  Eric and I had even started looking into what we needed to do to switch our citizenship in case we were told we had to leave.  But God had other plans.  I feel as if my heart has been taken out and buried there.  At the same time, I can feel that God has already been giving me a new heart and I feel excited to see what God is going to do.  I feel a love already for the dear people in Sutherlin.

Oh, it is still very painful at times and I will probably still cry if I talk about it (I'm crying now), but what a peace and joy there is in God's will!  I guess when you go through surgery you have pain for years.

But, do you want to know something amazing?  About a year or two ago I started to get very burdened for the family and friends of missionaries - America really.  I cried and prayed out to God regularly,  "Lord, we are giving up everything, following You to tell others about Jesus Christ.  What about OUR family and friends dying and going to hell in America?  Please, send someone to them!"

OH!  How I greatly desired for God to answer my prayer!
I just didn't realize ~
He wanted me!


  1. Wow, my heart hurts for you. I can't imagine living and serving anywhere but here in Croatia. After 15 years of life here I feel like I could never live anywhere else. I understand your heart. There was a time that we were going through a major valley and my husband mentioned a possibility of leaving and I immediately began weeping. I realized then just how much I love this place and these people. I can just imagine the feelings you've had and I'm praying that God will begin a new, deep love in your heart for your new home.

  2. I sure do know what you're talking about! ;) Excited for you and your family!

  3. Like Kami, I understand too. While "things" can be moved in a day, your heart can never be moved. It will definitely take you some time, but God will give you grace and show you through time and circumstances the reason He has chosen to move you. You are wise for following your husband's leading as he follows God's leading. I love you, friend!



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...